Very recently the realization hit me that I am 20 years old... I’m about halfway through my B.Tech.. And in 2 years I’ll be on my own. I’ll have to fend off for myself. And I got apprehensive about the rate at which the time was passing... I thought it was all happening too fast.. What if I am not ready to look out for myself, to face the challenges in life??? And I found myself wishing for the time to stop, for the things to stay the way they are, to know people as they are now. Life’s simple right now, not much worries, and troublesome issues when examined meticulously are no issues at all. Future on the other hand is uncertain and to a good extent chaotic.. Now I am a great admirer of chaos but what if it gets on my nerves.. Am I ready to work towards that one purpose?? Do I have that level of competence?? Troubling questions but I found the answers and comfort in an unexpected sort of way.
I came back home and just this morning I saw my one year old cousin crawling up the stairs on his knees, running around on his tiny legs, happily pointing at unimportant objects. To quote Meredith “How do we get from there to here??” I don’t know... Watching him made me very happy and then thinking about it later made me write this. It gave me hope. That tiny guy can’t think or understand much, he is much more vulnerable than me, and yet he is growing up every second, he doesn’t realize it but his body does and it’s not afraid. It is inevitable and to wish to the contrary would be unnatural and selfish. And it’s not just inevitable its necessary. However beautiful the present might look to us we have to make that foray into the uncharted waters of future, in order to understand, to become what we want to. I realized that its not always essential to be ready for everything, we are in a constant phase of learning, and we’ll just learn to fend off for ourselves in due time. We have to delve into that chaos to find the peace of our mind, and we’ll just learn to control our nerves. All that I am required to do is to let go of the fear and just go about it normally.
I’ve frequently heard, man comes and goes alone.. The latter part I disagree with, he takes at least one thing with him, Memories. They are the treasures we accumulate over our entire life and its something that no one except us, not even God has claim to. And we need them, to quote Dr. Christian Shepherd “to remember and let go”. Looking back I realized that all the memories that acquired were only because I grew up and if I made rest now wouldn’t I miss on all the memories that I will gather over the course of my lifetime.. Now that’s something unaffordable.. They are too precious to be thrown away and compromised with.. I think I can let go of my fears now, I know that there will be time when I get worried and feel unsure about I future, the apprehensions will always be there, but I am sure I’ll be able to let go and move on.. I guess that’s what “Growing Up” means......
